Throughout the years Scottish comedian Billy Connolly has appeared in many first class and top rating travelogues and documentaries. He has taken his viewers around the globe and has shown what a wonderful and sometimes wacky world we live in.
In his World Tour of Scotland he included what he regarded as a highlight and important part of his colorful and busy life, that involved visiting many of the worlds nations as a comedian and travel guide. This highlight, that he was able to recall with remarkable clarity, involved horizontal folk dancing, or putting it simply, was when he lost his innocence with a local lassie.
If my memory is correct, I think it took at least 3 one hour programs before he finally reached the exact spot where he hit the jackpot and when doing so, although extremely excited, he was also disappointed that the original landmarks were no longer present. However it seemed to him that the actual site should be declared heritage listed.
Whilst not contributing as much to my fellow man as the highly talented Mr. Connolly has done and although not leading such an eventful life as he has been blessed with leading, nevertheless I had my moments when life became more than just something special. Please, do not for a moment think that what follows, involves gratuitous sex and the like, because it simply doesn't, but back in late 1960 or possibly early 1961, a fairly shy and highly inexperienced 17 year old male virgin who had been rejected, suddenly and unexpectedly experienced the highlight of his life.
I may not have the ability to entertain large or small audiences, but I have been able to retain a strong and accurate memory of what took place all those years ago and I can assure you that I regard the significance and importance of what transpired just as highly as Billy Connolly did with his teenage experience.
Surveying the beach and surf from the club's upper deck, I noticed a pretty, long haired brownette who I had never seen before with some of the local girls. After making inquiries I was told she was out of my class and to simply avoid her as she would eat me for breakfast. I was later informed by one of the younger members that she was the daughter of a local millionaire and wouldn't have anything to do with the likes of me.
Around 11 am. I returned to shore on my surf ski and was informed by young Denise that there was someone who was dying to meet me. Much to my surprise it was my mystery girl, whose name I am ashamed to admit I forgot over 45 years ago. She was sun baking with several of the local fillies clad in what I recall to be a Mitchell blue colored one piece cozzie. Introductions were forthcoming and for the next 30 minutes or so this gorgeous creature and my good self rabbited on and on. It was obvious she had a low regard of the beach at Avalon and more so in regard to the surf club members. I had never met a girl like her, she frightened me as she was extremely street wise and appeared to be much, much more sophisticated and experienced than I was ever going to be. Eventually I said my goodbyes and left, visibly shakened.
Around 2pm. that afternoon I was chatting with a surf club mate in front of the clubhouse. Jim was still training for his bronze medallion and as I was passing on to him what I believed to be useful information, Denise and one of her attractive female companions arrived and struck up a conversation. It appears I had made a huge impression on my mystery girl and was invited by her to attend a party she was throwing at her house that evening. As her parents were overseas in New York, this party was expected to be something out of the ordinary. Jim showed an interest in attending, so the two of us spruced up and later on that day, we arrived at the venue around 7:30pm.
Upon arrival, our hostess greeted me with a big hug and sloppy kiss on the lips and when introduced to Jim, she shook his hand. After being introduced to many of those present and conveniently forgetting their names within seconds of the introduction, I became fascinated with the house and those within it. I had never been inside such a state of the art dwelling and the 50 or so people there were a complete cross section of society and were definitely not the class of people I felt at ease mixing with. Despite being much more sophisticated than my feral self, some of these well to do and highly educated folk saw to it that a strip poker game got underway in one of the sitting rooms. This enabled me, from time to time, to keep abreast (what a suitable and appropriate word) of the latest fashions in female underwear and lingerie........Phew!!
Jim and our hostess disappeared early in the evening and when I found them outside on the patio, it was obvious they did not want to be disturbed. I was given the brush off on at least two more occasions and soon after wards Jim insisted he had not asked for what had happened and offered to back off if I wanted him too. Even though I was more than mildly cheesed off with the situation, I outwardly put on a brave front and told Jim to go for it. I did not want to be any ones second choice. I decided to drink up all her liquor, or at least put a huge dent in her supply, whilst paying close attention to the poker game that was now in full swing......Triple Phew!!!
When the mystery girl's cat entered the room, Jim reacted by uncontrollably coughing and violently sneezing.......he was allergic to cats and their fur. Puss was thrown outside and the party goers were advised under penalty of death not to let it in again. There was however one despicable creature who, on at least 4 occasions insisted on letting it in unobserved.
|Pogo's best mate.|
Strolling down a corridor chatting to two young couples, I noticed a door that was ajar off to my left. There was a light on in the room, so I pushed open the door and entered. It was a large bedroom with a huge king sized bed flanked by bedside tables with both lamps alight. There sitting up in bed reading a book was our missing goddess.
She sat up rather startled by our sudden appearence and took my breath away by doing so. The jacket she had on opened to reveal her sleeping attire underneath. She happened to be wearing an absolutely beautiful and extremely sexy pastel pink negligee. The five of us sat around the edge of the bed and began inquiring why was she here in the bedroom and not raging with the rest of the rabble.
She made it quite clear that our presence was not appreciated and there was an immediate rush for the door, but she asked me to wait a moment. When the others had left, she told me to close the door and insisted that none of what she had said was directed at me. She apologized for her outburst and informed me that she had lost interest in the party and wanted me to hustle everyone out of the house as soon as possible. She wanted me to inform the party goers that she was ill and forced to go to bed and suggested some of her close friends should be able to assist me in emptying out the house. By 12:45am. the ragers had all gone. I re entered the bedroom to inform her of such and was congratulated and thanked by her for my efforts.
She then wanted me to be, in her words, a real darling and turn off all the house lights and make us both a mug of hot chocolate and bring them into the bedroom.
After this was accomplished, I sat on the end of the large bed and the two of us began chatting away about God only knows what, with her sitting upright in the middle of the bed. Never at any time was there the slightest hint that an invitation to stay the night was going to be forthcoming. My heart and another important part of my body sank when, around 2am. she suggested I head for the surf club for a good nights sleep. Once again I was forced to put on a brave front and attempted to make light of the situation by stating that she had used me to do her dirty work and now she was turfing me out. Her reply was that no one was being turfed out and if I was to get a good nights sleep, the surf club would be by far the best place for that. She then added that if I stayed the night, I would not be getting a single solitary wink of sleep. Dear, sweet and innocent little thing that I was, I asked her, "What did you have in mind?" She ruffled her hair, causing it to fall in wavy ringlets, then pushed down the cover and sheets, moved to the side of the bed, sat with her feet on the floor and patted the bottom sheet next to her side, making it crystal clear where she wanted me to be. Not one word was spoken.
That aforementioned important part of me suddenly rose to the occasion almost immediately in anticipation of what was hopefully about to transpire. At the same time, I must admit I was also terrified.
|"What did you have in mind?" Can't believe I said that.....What a wanker.|
I was on patrol that Sunday morning and I was forced to tear myself away, after she told me she would meet me on the beach between 12 noon and 1pm. Although physically exhausted, life never seemed so worth while and never had any morning felt anywhere near as exhilarating or satisfying as the one I was now experiencing as I jogged towards the beach.
On patrol that morning, Jim noticed me and inquired where had I slept that evening. I asked him,"Why do you want to know?"
He answered,"You never slept in the club or on the beach,did you?"
"No," I answered,"I spent the night somewhere else." The broad smile on my face had to be the giveaway.
"Tell me you didn't Pogo," he almost sobbed. "Tell me you didn't."
"I'm afraid I did," I truthfully informed him.
"That should have been me you know," he said.
I agreed with him by saying,"I know, but you had to leave early and someone had to fill in for you." What a loyal and unselfish human being I was.
When I was asked what was she like, I could not think of adequate words to describe the effect she had on me, the only word that came to mind was, "Sensational."
As he began to wander off to commence his Bronze training he frowned and said,"You bastard Pogo, you bastard." I've often wondered how he would have reacted if ever he discovered who the despicable creature was who kept on letting the cat in ..........All's fair in love and war and my lips are sealed.
My dream girl and/or personal trainer never turned up that day, nor on the following weekend, but during the Sunday of the next weekend she appeared on the beach with all the local girls and we had what was a rather uneasy conversation as I was with another of the local females who that day ended up becoming my partner for the following 18 months.
My girlfriend to be seemed almost shocked to learn that this exceptional stunner from the well to do side of town and I knew each other. The two of them were evidently great mates, something that I was not aware of up until this point in time. Michelle never reacted or inquired when my dream girl asked of me,"Have you fully recovered from your workout yet?" Some of the other girls present did however, with knowing looks and the odd giggle aimed in my direction. I do believe the penny may have finally dropped when she found out I had attended that party two weeks previous.
Michelle and I left the beach to begin what evolved into a relationship and as for my gorgeous dream girl in Mitchell blue, she eventually disappeared from my sight and sadly was never ever seen again, but the memories of her have remained clear and constant and even though many decades have literally flown by, I am completely and utterly convinced these exceptional memories will never fade.
If only I could remember her bloody name.